Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
