you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
