Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
