he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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