Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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