I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
