i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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