I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
