I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
