Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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