Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I need to stop coming to work sober
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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