he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
