I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
