I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
