Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
