you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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