so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
