Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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