I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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