i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
