someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
