My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
