So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
