I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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