I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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