just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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