Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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