I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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