super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
