My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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