I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
