dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
