Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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