"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
