My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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