i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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