I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
