i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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