she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
