do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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