omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
