I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
