I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
