this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
