why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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