I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
