I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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