the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize