im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
