Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
