i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
