Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
