k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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