he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize