i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
