He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
