Say something about gay babies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
