well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
