Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
