I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
