every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
