is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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