dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
