That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
