You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
