u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize