Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
