trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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