Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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