Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
