He is an equal opportunity slut.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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