do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
