Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
