You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
