He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
